completely incredible. look at him. absolutely perfect.
Today is daylight savings time. I remember on the other daylight savings time, in school the teacher used to always make us write about where we thought the hour we lost went. I hated this. I hated thinking about the idea that we lost an hour. I kind of hate it now too. The idea that we all turn our clocks back and gain an hour? Why don't I do this everyday to ensure I always have a little extra time to finish what I need to and get where I need to go? Why do we all participate in these odd social conventions? We are quite literally bending that eternal unbreakable rule, the fact that we can never go back and that time is something we cannot get back again. Why did I spend this hour sleeping. I could have been running around righting the wrongs I have made. I spent it sleeping.
I'm feeling especially alone today. I've only been awake for about 2 hours so it's not completely possible for me to feel the real brunt of this emotion just yet, but it's there. I am feeling so much heaviness from a feeling that was originally dull and easy to ignore, but is becoming sharper and so incredibly present more and more every day. I am truly sorry for whoever reads this because I can only imagine how sad you must think I am, and I assure you I am not always completely like this. I just genuinely enjoy reveling in sadness. Somewhere inside me it justifies something. I just don't understand what it is about me that gets myself into situations where feelings are not all that legitimate or consistent. I am only useful a portion of the time. It's interesting when it seems more fitting to say that you are "useful" rather than "wanted". I am not so moronic that I don't take into consideration the daily grind of life and how busy and involved people really are. Fast paced daily schedules have very little to do with this unfortunately. I am acutely aware of this. Why do I always seem to get myself in this spot. Where I need to work so hard to be noticed and remembered. I must be really annoying. It's even bothering me to read this. When did I let myself become such a lame excuse for whatever special thing I thought I was. Like the light you forgot to turn off. The mix CD you forgot to listen to. The melody you forgot to hear. The star you forgot to look up at when night time finally arrived. The sunset you happened to miss.
I'm feeling more and more lately that it is too much to ask to be something spectacular to someone else.